I’ve been so lucky, and I never take this for granted. I left a quite amazing job last December after 9 fulfilling years – having achieved quite a lot, experienced much more than I ever thought possible and making lifelong friends that have supported and shaped me every step of the way. So lucky. And that luck continues as I take some time out of comms after working for 36 years in a profession that truly stole my heart. I’ve worked hard to be able to afford some respite and I’m making the most of it.
But it did get me thinking about work/life balance. I thought that, during my career, I had managed to crack the equilibrium of working to live, rather than living to work. But after five months of not working at all, I realise that work was actually nearly all-consuming. I was driven, I was passionate, and I don’t think I ever switched off. Not really. The team I worked with used to scold me for checking emails when I was on holiday, or replying to people at night, or thinking about ideas for campaigns or stories while I was walking or out at the gym.
That’s the nature of comms though, you see. It IS all consuming. And I have worked in that way throughout my entire career, always on call 24/7 in the event of a crisis, a press call, a cry for help, an urgent reprint, a social media hiccup. Even though we rarely get a place at the top table, comms professionals generally mirror the efforts and endeavours of their leadership teams and we are generally available when that call comes. Whilst this doesn’t negate enjoying time off, your switch never goes off completely.
And I hadn’t really thought about that. Because comms is part of my make up and I thought that defined me as a person, and doesn’t your career define who you are before mostly everything else? Well, no, actually. That’s what I’ve discovered. I have taken time off before and I enjoyed a career break once for two years after moving to Germany to write novels. But I do remember it affecting me mentally, and I was climbing the walls to try and find a space and a place for myself. I couldn’t wait to get back to work, even though I was running what felt like a wonderful B&B in Bavaria (which was a wonderful experience and one I wouldn’t change for the world!).
This time, I really have put the brakes on. As soon as I left the job, I left everything about it in the office where I used to work, and, surprisingly, I haven’t thought about it at all. And even more surprising is that it hasn’t taken a great deal of effort. I did sleep a lot for about a month. I’m not sure people realise – I certainly didn’t – how far you need to go before you are pushed to burn out. I hadn’t really had time to consider that I’ve spent the past four years, with four different leaders, trying to adapt, making time to innovate, trying to please, making time for recruitment, trying to reshape and making time for the constant restructuring, re-evaluation, repurposing.
I think it’s called transformation. The thing is, it wasn’t very transformative for me personally. And I found, as I know a lot of people do, that the higher you go up the chain of command, the less time you have for creativity. And I’m a creative comms creature. I actually and literally started to die inside. I know at one point, when I was juggling at least three full time jobs, I often could not distinguish my backside from my elbow. I know a lot of comms creatures suffer from this. But I just didn’t realise the toll this was actually taking.
Not until I’ve had the time to slow down, to get back in touch with my creative heart, which I hadn’t realised was slowly giving up, and to put the corporate needs to one side for a bit. Taking emails, Teams, One Drive, phone numbers out of my phone was actually quite cathartic. Because logging off is never about stopping work, is it? I often thought about – and worried about – the business and its direction of travel, personalities that never seemed to be happy no matter how hard you worked or how much you tried to guess what they needed from you, how many requests that were coming in, how short-staffed you were, how thinly spread the team was. None of it went away at the end of the working day.
And now, I’m actually finding the time to have a bath every now and then! Now that might sound petty and small-fry. But, oh, the luxury of taking the time to have a long bath, with a face mask and everything, and to just lie there with no worries and no time to manage, was a real revelation to me. Going to the gym and finding the time to relax, do a class, take a swim and then stay for a coffee. Another revelation! I’ll always remember when the Queen passed away, I was in the middle of a Pilates class, and Operation London Bridge went into overdrive. I never gave it a thought. Left the class, opened the comms plan up on my phone and began to roll it out immediately.
I’ve taken the time to go for long walks (it’s been like a mini lockdown for me, with the even the weather and the sunshine joining me for a change, like it knows I need the vitamin D) and actually smell the flowers. This time last year at the end of February, we were thrown into the chaos of a cyber incident which virtually took all of my time for over a month, working 12 hour days and weekends, ensuring that comms went out in a timely and transparent fashion. At the end of it all, it felt like we all had post traumatic stress – having to adjust to going back into normal life and routine. But the point is, I didn’t see the daffodils blooming, or the trees blossoming, or the tulips opening. I missed an entire season by working. And don’t get me wrong, as awful as it was, that was an immense experience and one that I’d never worked on before (and that’s saying something after 30 years in comms). I never gave it a thought. Until now. And, you can never do too much for a good employer, can you?
Well, actually, I’ve realised you can.
Although I always enjoyed my holidays, and a lot of them as you all know, and my weekends, and my dates with friends, my fine food and my jaunts out, I never switched all the way off. And my creativity was getting so thin on the ground, I never realised how much that was affecting me.
So, time off is much needed, and I hope that this nudges anyone who might need it, to re-evaluate their work/life balance and to ensure that they aren’t approaching burn out. It is just a job at the end of the day, no matter how much of yourself you invest in it, once you leave, the wheels continue to turn, as they should, and your number is taken off the payroll list.
I’m so lucky, I keep saying it. I’ve had time to reconnect to my creativity and have breathed new life into my heart. I’ve revamped my Instagram account, really focusing on photography with my iPhone because I LOVE taking pictures, I went travelling for five weeks without checking emails or worrying about what I was going to come back to, I’m exercising regularly again, especially walking, which was always sandwiched in between working hours so, at best, was erratic, and I’m teaching myself new skills on Canva, working on growing my poetry account on Blue Sky and I’m actually writing again. Without someone marking my work and making me feel like I’d never been able to string a sentence together without their help!
This has real value. Work/life balance has real value. Looking back, I don’t know how I managed to fit it all in, and now I realise that I wasn’t actually doing that. I was sacrificing my creativity (and to some extent, my sanity) for my career. And I guess I was falling a little bit out of love with comms because of that. And when that happens, you know it’s time to go and reassess and evaluate your life and work – especially as you get older because relevance is so important at this stage in my life. Am I still relevant in the workplace? How can I be, if I’m not relevant in my real life.
Finding yourself again is such a relief. I know that not everybody is in the same position I am, and I can’t imagine what a stretch it must be if you have a family, people to care for, or a work environment that’s just horrible. All I know now is that finding the balance is crucial to happiness.
I really loved my career, and all of my jobs. But, at the minute, I’m loving me more.
Take time for yourself. Life is so very short.
Mags Winthrop Blog 